berkeley high had a daily "bulletin" that contained campus announcements. the specific delivery mechanism changed every year i was there, but even at its most ignored i think there was a printed copy in every classroom each day. anyone could put something in the bulletin as long as they had a teacher's approval, but i suspected that the vetting of both the approvals and the announcements themselves was entirely perfunctory, and i floated this hypothesis to some peers. one of them, a big stickler for rules, found this ridiculous - of course they wouldn't let you put any dumb bullshit in the bulletin, especially if you had to forge a teacher's signature to do it.

folks, you already know which of us was right, because i wouldn't be writing this story if it weren't me.

i remember the scowl on bradley's face as he stormed towards me in the hallway before my our class period, angrily holding up a piece of paper in his clutched hand. "cody, what did you DO??" i guess bradley had read today's bulletin, and i guess my experiment succeeded. today the student body would learn that

The Krispy Kreme Corporation is pleased to announce that Berkeley High School is the recipient of this year's Krispy Kreme Supreme Donut Excellence Award! Five random students from Berkeley High have been selected to receive a year's supply of free Krispy Kreme donuts. Come to the office to see if you've won!

i don't know whether bradley was more cranky with me for subverting the school's information dissemination system or with himself for doubting that i so easily could, but i pointed out a silver lining: while i might have made the administration look like idiots today, they're at least going to pull the announcement early, rather than running it for the full three days i requested. they have an opportunity to redeem themselves.

folks, if you've read anything else i've written about berkeley high, you are already fully aware that they did no such thing. the announcement ran for the full three days, culminating with a a printed sign taped to the school office's window: "DONUT PRIZE IS A HOAX." i guess they got swamped with kids asking for donuts. i feel kinda bad, but, like, come on.

a few weeks later, another bulletin announcement came out, warning us that forgery is a serious offense and anyone caught doing it would be punished. it caused me to mildly regret the open secret of my authorship, because it would have been absolutely legendary to now get a bulletin announcement published about how the Krispy Kreme Corporation was very disappointed to learn that a Berkeley High student had forged a signature, and was willing to give a year's supply of free donuts to anyone who could identify the perpetrator. but unshielded by anonymity, i didn't want to fly too close to the sun.

i'd even been outed to the teacher whose signature i forged: aaron glimme. i picked him because he was both a krispy kreme aficionado (he kept one of the paper hats in his classroom) and because he was a pretty chill guy who quite clearly cared about teaching us chemistry but not any dumb school bullshit. i don't know exactly how he found out, but one day in chem class while everyone was working on problem sets he called me up to his desk:

"hey cody?"
"yeah, mr. glimme?"
"you know, i got a call from the office about the krispy kreme prize." (at this point, i knew he knew it was me, but i hadn't actually admitted it to him.)
"oh really? what'd they ask you?"

glimme paused, briefly, in ceremonial deference to the position of authority he was about to temporarily abdicate. the answer was too good not to share, even if that meant conspiring with a fifteen-year-old to mock the school administration.

"they wanted the list of winners."